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7 habits that sabotage our relationship

7 habits that sabotage our relationship

Some unhealthy behaviors in a relationship are obvious. Things like lying , cheating, shouting and showing the other what is wrong. But there are also more insidious habits that couples develop without realizing how harmful they can be in the long run.

We asked Athens Escorts  and therapists to pinpoint the seemingly insignificant things that couples do all the time and which are secretly damaging their relationship.

1. We ignore the interests of our partner

It’s normal – even healthy! – to have interests that differ from those of our partner. Just because our partner loves country music does not mean we have to wear a cowboy hat and run to Luke Bryan’s concert. However, we can find a few ways to support our partner’s passions, even if they are not necessarily the best thing for us.

“For example, if our partner wants to share a song with us, it ‘s important to show interest in what he likes or to listen to, even if we do not like that kind of music,” therapist Agibel Macpis told us . marriage and family based in Los Angeles. “Otherwise, the lack of recognition of our partner’s interests may ultimately add to the feeling that his or her passions – or that he / she – are unacceptable in our relationship.”

“We do not need to enjoy the song, but just listening to or discussing what our partner can enjoy provides the necessary support,” he added.

2. We do not say “thank you” for the little things

We express our appreciation when our partner buys us a gift, plans a weekend trip or books us a massage. But we can forget to recognize (the above) that they are small, everyday ways that lighten our load. Neglecting to recognize these efforts can lead to resentment over time.

“Good relationships are not about big gestures. They are built and maintained through the small, everyday moments, “said therapist Nicole Saunders from Charlotte, North Carolina. “Not observing and (not) validating our partner for all the work he does in the relationship – even if it’s something he ‘must’ do, like emptying the dishwasher – is a missed opportunity to build a positive relationship. ».

Let us not take these small acts for granted. Whatever our partner does to make our lives easier, it deserves recognition.
“It could be tasting your favorite snack where it is sourced, making the bed the way we like it, or greeting us with a hug because they know natural touch is our language of love,” says Saunders. “Then let ‘s say a sincere thank you! Bonus – it’s also a good way to reinforce behaviors we want to keep seeing. ”

3. We have neglected our personal hygiene

Skipping the occasional shower is not serious, but when giving up basic care becomes a habit, it can disrupt intimacy and become a source of conflict in the relationship.
“Not brushing our teeth, (not) showering, (not) shaving, etc. “It can be reckless to our partners, especially when we know it bothers them and we do not intend to handle it better . ”

It is worth noting that poor hygiene can sometimes be an outward manifestation of a mental health condition such as depression . If we struggle with motivation in other areas of our lives, we feel unworthy or socially withdrawn, let’s talk to our partner and think about making an appointment with a mental health professional, too.

4. We criticize our partner instead of asking him what he needs

Criticism comes when a relationship complaint is expressed as a character flaw, couples therapist Jacques Britle told us. For example, we might throw things at your partner and say something like, “You’re always late for dinner.” Why can you never be on time? “You are so careless.”

When we resort to criticism, we (automatically) put our partner on the defensive, which often leads to argument – not to the positive change we hope to see, says Makeup. Over time, these harsh words can damage our partner’s self-esteem and create an emotional distance between us.
“If we want our partners to do something different, we need to ask them (in a different way) to change their actions, instead of declaring a negative judgment,” says Makeup.

So, regarding the above example, we could try to say: “I feel that you despise me when you do not tell me that you are late. It would be good to call in advance, so that I can schedule dinner accordingly “.

5. We have no life outside of this relationship

When we first start dating someone, it is not uncommon to spend a honeymoon where we spend most of our time together. But after a while, if we continue to focus all our energy on our partner while neglecting friends , family and other interests, (this) could be a bad omen for what is to come.

“When couples are ‘trapped’ together a lot, (it) puts a lot of pressure on the relationship,” says Saunders. “Maintaining a relationship at all costs can be the goal, because neither partner has a separate life or support system. “You may feel that life will end if the relationship ends.”

To avoid this toxic trap, let’s make sure we continue to cultivate our identity, interests and essential relationships outside of your romantic relationship.
“It’s important to have time apart (and) regularly, whether we’re going out going out doing different things with different people or just spending weeks enjoying separate shows or in different rooms (doing) different hobbies,” says Saunders.

6. We check our partner’s cell phone without asking

Taking a peek at our partner’s messages or on his Instagram may seem quite innocent, but in reality it is a violation of his privacy and an indication of underlying problems between us.
“If we rely on our partner’s access to his or her phone to confirm his or her fidelity, that reflects a great lack of trust in the relationship,” says Makeup.

It makes sense – not suspicious or dishonest – for people in relationships to want to maintain some privacy and autonomy from their partner.

“A lot of people in relationships want a little bit of their own, good, independence,” psychologist Ryan House told HuffPost. “It does not mean that they want to divorce. “They often love their relationships and want to endure, but they also want some of their lives for themselves – and that’s not necessarily a problem.”

Let’s resist the urge to control each other’s device. Instead, let us be so vulnerable that we talk about the insecurities that lead to espionage from the beginning.

7. We make promises we cannot keep

Keeping our word – even when it comes to small things – contributes significantly to building trust and making our partner feel loved and valued. Conversely, when we have a habit of saying that we are going to do something and then reject it either consciously or unconsciously, (this) can create a “wedge” between us and our partner over time.

“This can take many forms, from monitoring and caring for the end of the car lease, to completing the installation of the boards in the family room, (but also) to emptying the dishwasher daily as promised, until “he’s not ready to go somewhere in the pre-agreed time,” says Smith.

Let’s try to set reminders to complete important tasks, either on our phone or write them down so we don’t forget them. Let us commit ourselves only to tasks that we know we will be able to accomplish, and let us give realistic time frames to do them. (In other words, let us not make excessive promises trying to please our partner). And if it seems that (something) we will not be able to do, then let’s inform our partner as soon as possible.

“Let’s explain exactly why we can not do it,” relationship writer Seri Stritov wrote for Verywell Mind. “Let’s make this kind of situation the exception, not the rule, especially as we work to build trust.”

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